Saturday, 21 September 2013

Time to Make a Change

I've been reading a book recently, lent to me by a friend, called 'Finding Your Element'.   I moaned incessantly that all the book talked about for the first 70 pages was people who had already found their so called 'element' and were highly successful, famous, and wealthy.  I kept screaming 'I KNOW that finding your element leads to success, but how the HELL do you FIND it?!?!?!'

Well....the latest chapters have started to hint at how you might discover the thing that you both enjoy and that you're naturally good at, your niche so to speak.  I always thought it was acting but then I got out there, in the real world, and now I'm not so sure.  Or rather, I don't enjoy it enough to put 110% effort into it like I would with a true passion.  But I of the tips?  Change the way you think.  Change your mindset.

I am a glass half empty kinda gal.  Not when it comes to an actual glass because I like to savour my liquids but in the metaphorical sense.  I have known for a long time that thinking positively yielded more opportunities and a healthier and happier life.  But when P was lying in the hospital, I read The Secret and I subscribed to it's thought process thoroughly, like it was my own personal Bible.  I prayed. I visualised.  I thanked God and the universe for healing P in advance.  I believed.  Even when there was very little hope left to cling on to.  I still believed.  And it didn't work.

I still find it hard to hear anyone even mention The Secret in my presence.  And I still struggle to step through the doors of a church.  But I am starting to realise that P had to die for a reason.  His life journey was over.  And it is up to me to learn lessons, and to grow as a person in the wake of his passing.  So perhaps its time.  Time to start changing my mindset.  It is incredibly hard.  It's crazy when I stop to think about it.  How my negativity pervades my every thought and every action.  Perhaps I should wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it every time a negative thought enters my mind? Negative reinforcement to stop negativity?  Why the hell not.

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

You Hold My Hope

You hold my hope in the palm of your hand
You alone hold my hope
Don't break my heart again

16 months of darkness
broken by glimmers of light
16 months of drifting
Unsure of where to go

4 months of feeling stuck
stuck stuck
4 months?
Is that all?
Feels like forever

And now you come along
here to offer me some hope
A chance to start anew
A chance to plan again

Looking ahead
My heart lifted
my smile shifted
I started to believe again
Don't take it all back
Don't destroy it
You hold my hope in your hand

Be gentle with it