Nothingness

Sometimes I feel so low
I'm unable to cry
No energy
to shed a tear
to change the channel
take out the rubbish
or go to bed
I sit still
Where I've landed
and itch with an urge
to escape this feeling.
Thinking of all the things I could eat
to fill the void
but the thought of eating bores me
just like everything else
Put on my favourite tv show
a nostalgic activity
but my mind wanders
Sitting in silence
I find myself wishing
I could crawl out of my skin
My body, this existence
is too much
I'm so anxious, so bored I can taste it
it consumes me
This life is so tedious without him
Each day feels like an eternity
Each moment alone, endless
What am I meant to do
My to do list grows day by day
but motivation escapes me
I sit in my dressing gown
as the dishes pile high in the sink
And I watch my life pass me by
Just out of reach
I can see what I need to do
I can almost touch all my hopes and desires
but the grief monster has a hold on me
and I can't shake it
I'm weakening day by day
This winter is sapping my strength
What can I do?
What should I do?