Wow, I've been sleeping a LOT. Well, a lot more than normal. This late night owl who's used to going to bed at 1 or later, has been crashing at 11 or earlier most nights. Ok, so some of it might be jet lag, but more than anything, I'm relieved to be an ocean away from my day to day life. They say you can't run from your problems, but I would beg to differ. I have so successfully run away that in retelling stories I keep finding myself talking about P in the present tense. And then I correct myself and it's slightly awkward for all involved.
Ok so maybe you can't run away, completely.
But it is nice to have a reprieve. I know I will crash a hundred times over when I return to my empty flat, but for now, I am enjoying feeling like old me. Pre-grief me. Pre-16 months of hell and then some me. I still don't have my old energy back. That 'get up and go' seems to have been lost. I never thought I would ever define myself as 'lazy'. From an early age, I couldn't even sit still and watch TV or a film. I always had to be doing something. Now, however, the moment I'm left alone (which is rarely on this holiday), I seem to sink into the sofa and zone out, my body feels three times it's weight and my brain goes blank. I guess I'm using a lot of energy to play the role of the 'old-me'. I know no one expects this of me. And it's not a purposeful choice on my part either. It's just easier. And frankly, much more fun.
Ok so maybe you can't run away, completely.
But it is nice to have a reprieve. I know I will crash a hundred times over when I return to my empty flat, but for now, I am enjoying feeling like old me. Pre-grief me. Pre-16 months of hell and then some me. I still don't have my old energy back. That 'get up and go' seems to have been lost. I never thought I would ever define myself as 'lazy'. From an early age, I couldn't even sit still and watch TV or a film. I always had to be doing something. Now, however, the moment I'm left alone (which is rarely on this holiday), I seem to sink into the sofa and zone out, my body feels three times it's weight and my brain goes blank. I guess I'm using a lot of energy to play the role of the 'old-me'. I know no one expects this of me. And it's not a purposeful choice on my part either. It's just easier. And frankly, much more fun.
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