Thank you Weeds

Weeds is a dark comedy about a single mother, Nancy, who decides to make ends meet and provide for her family by selling marijuana after her husband unexpectedly dies from a heart attack.  The show ran for 8 seasons.  I was a fan before, but needless to say, over the last few weeks I have been drawn into this dark twisting tale through a sense of empathy and curiosity towards the character of Nancy.  The show does not dwell on her grief.  Not at all.  She doesn't really deal with it.  She's too busy trying to make money, provide, and stay out of jail and alive to be worried about crying and moaning about the loss of her husband.  But in season 8 lines sneak into the episodes regarding her grief.  Andy, her brother in law, says at one point 'Just so you know, I don't think she's ever really loved anyone since Judah.'  When she finds out that her new boyfriend is also a widower and that's only been 15 months, she is reluctant to be his first foray into the dating pool and she tells him he's not ready.  That she has no idea how long it took her to get to the point she's at now.  I like that over the series you see glimpses of the pain behind her eyes.  You see her go off the rails, and if you are like me, you know why.  You see that she's trying to escape the emotional pain, to distract herself.  Although it's a far fetched tv show, I think the writers and Mary-Louise Parker (who plays Nancy) did an incredible job.  She has these crazy, vacant eyes for much of the series until season 8, when she finally seems to come to terms with the loss of Judah.  When she finally lets herself revisit the place where he died.  She is calmer, balanced.  But then, of course, in the final episode, we find her dealing with the loss of her latest husband (she gets married multiple times for complicated reasons, but this one she loved) and this conversation happens.  And it's like Andy was speaking directly to me:

Andy:  You're going to be fine.  Things happen.  Things change.  We can't control it but the one thing you can control is how you think about it.  So look at it this way.  You're free.  You did your job, now it's done.  No one there to answer to.

Nancy:  No one to come home to.

Andy:  No one to hold you back from becoming the person you always wanted to be.  Doing only what you want to do.

Nancy:  Who is that? What is that?

Andy:  Time for you to figure it out....You're going to be fine.  You're so strong.  Time for you to face yourself.

It never ceases to amaze me - the power of film, television, and music.  The ability to put words to an experience or an emotion that so many people feel.  The opportunity to make people see life differently, to view their own experiences from another perspective.  Television is such a powerful medium.  TV shows become our solace.  These past few weeks I desperately needed a distraction, something to focus on, and yet, something that spoke to me in some small way.  Weeds provided me with an escape and got me through the final first anniversary (the anniversary of the funeral).  The writers and actors left me with advice that I will carry forward with me.  Facing yourself is the scariest and hardest thing of all to do, if you ask me.  Discovering who you want to be is difficult.  But I know that P would be saying this to me if he could:  'You're free....time for you to figure out who you are and what you want to do'.....

So thank you to the creators and actors of Weeds.  Well done.

And to all those out there on this journey - good luck.  I hope to see you on the other side.  Calmer, balanced, and self aware.