Tuesday 10 July 2012

Trying to Remember You're Still Here...Somewhere

And if I go...
And if I go, while you're still here...
know that I still live on.
Vibrating to a different measure
behind a thin veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait the time when we can soar together again,
both aware of each other.

Until then, live your life to the fullest,
and when you need me,
just whisper my name in your heart, 
...I will be there.

-Colleen Hitchcock in 'Widowed Too Soon'

I have had signs, I have had messages that have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt in my mind that P is still around, still with me, still protecting and guiding me.  And yet, life has stepped in, swept me up, and side tracked me.  The world with it's intense logic and realism has made me question and led me to forget.  I used to talk to P on a daily basis.  It kept me sane, and I felt like I was keeping in touch with him.  Lately, since re-entering the real world I have strived to compartmentalise my feelings, in order to function in everyday society.  But in doing so I feel like I've lost my man again.  While once getting through the day was the ever present challenge, now the struggle lies in the balancing act between managing my guilty 'ok' feelings with devoting time to remembering my man each day in a very real, very present way.  While once I used to pray to God, now I speak to my angel.  

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes when I think of you I think of you and Phil together. A somewhat clichéd view of Heaven. Living? in a bucolic English countryside. I mostly knew Phil from how you spoke of him. And I wonder how it would have turned out, had the marriage continued on this planet. But now it's frozen it photographs and is forever happy. I miss you.

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