Monday 2 July 2012

The Power of Work

After losing someone dear to you, it's important to take time off.  Not only to grieve, but to mourn - to wail, to sleep, to learn how to eat again, to process, to shut down....Getting out of bed, showering, dealing with solicitors etc, and eating are work in and of itself.  And that's ok. It's necessary.

But so is returning to some sort of normality.  Working is necessary.  Provided you have a supportive work environment where people take care not to demand too much of you, where they accept that you are no longer the same person you were before, and where they allow you talk about 'it' but don't force you.

Unfortunately, from grief forums, I have learnt that this is rare.

Returning to work is riddled with problems and most young widows and widowers are left to decide if resigning and finding some sort of emotional stability is better than financial stability.  This is not acceptable in my mind.  We need a place where we can feel useful still, where we still have a purpose and we feel valued.

For me, there was no choice. I had relocated and quit my job to care for my man.  Going back to the promotions industry wasn't even an option for me for a long time as I couldn't manage a fake smile, let alone enduring a day of enthusiastic, energetic socialising.  I didn't have work collegues or an office that would provide some sort of normality.  I didn't have a structured 9-5 day, a reason to wake up, a place and I time I had to be each day.

So getting a temporary job as a teaching assistant in a pupil referral unit was literally a life saver. This is not a job for most.  It is not easy and you must be a VERY calm person;  the teenagers will try turn to wind you up repeatedly. For me, it was perfect.  I didn't have the emotional capacity to be wound up.  My collegues were a God send as well; they were understanding and considerate at every turn.  One even brought me a handbag filled with wine, a big Yankee candle, and luxury bath lotion and shower gel because she sensed I needed some pampering! The group made sure I joined them on a work dinner out (not something temps are usually invited to!)  THIS is how a person should be welcomed back to work after a loss.

But now that exam season has started I am no longer needed and once again, I am reduced to getting through the days one at a time, marking the 'accomplishments' of the day by checking off 'to-do lists'.

It's weird how when you HAVE to go to work, you desperately don't want to and you count down the days until holidays.  But when you're faced with a seemingly endless period of unemployment, it is brutally tedious.   So next time you feel like you 'can't be bothered' going to work, remember, that one day you might need that job - to keep you sane.

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